Silence in the Midst of Chaos

Without a doubt everyone of you can identify with me when I say there has been so much happening in my life recently that I don't know if I am coming or going. One demand to the next ~ one function to the next. Go to bed, get up, what's next on the list to get done. I see it in your faces; I see it in mine when I look into the mirror. When I began to meditate this morning on the subject of this week's blog, I wasn't hearing anything from Holy Spirit. Silence. I was dumbstruck. Where was His voice? This was not normal. He was usually prompting me long before Monday morning. I cried out to Him. He turned me back to my own book and one of my poems, entitled "Silence". One of the accompanying photographs is at the bottom of the page this week. Here is the closing stanza:

You are silent ~ I am lost

Impossible to navigate without direction

Foolish to attempt to sail alone

Frozen by fear of movement

Doomed to drift until hull crashes on rocky shore

Then He began talking to me. Despite all that I knew, the many times I had advised others about staying in the Eye of the Storm, I had allowed myself to be sucked out into the winds again. I was totally exhausted by dodging the debris of life and my ears were de-sensitized by its howling winds. There was no way that I could hear His voice in the midst of this din.

So here is the dilemma. There was nothing during this period of time to which I could have said no. These were important obligations; in fact these were tasks that I did with love in my heart for people that I deeply love. It just so happened that the timing was such that it was a bit crazy. Don't we all have this happen to us? Life is not of our choosing - it just happens to us. Yet for some reason we all make this effort to keep control of it.

There is a distinct difference in walking out what God places in front of us to do and trying to control our lives. Most of us, myself included, have spent so much of our lives in the control mode that we do not realize that we are operating in it. Yet once the exhaustion sets in, if we step back from it, we might recognize it.

For me I am just now beginning to understand how I responded to the tornado winds of this past period of time. I tried to maintain total normal life order in spite of the fact that there was nothing normal about this period of time. I have spent a lifetime living up to my perception of other's expectations of me. So under the stress of abnormal times, I slip back into old behaviors of trying to keep every ball in the air that comes my way. Living up to the labels that have now lovingly and historically sarcastically been attached to me.

Why do I feel it necessary to believe any of this when I know who I am in Christ? Because I am still a triune person composed of a regenerated spirit, but a soul and flesh that are continually striving to come to the level of that fresh spirit. I am vulnerable and am a work in progress needing my Holy Spirit. I can only do the best I can do under any given circumstances. There are times when I have to let some things go.

If I want to continue to hear the voice of my Comforter and my Counselor, then I have to be sure that I am making time each and every day for Him in spite of the crazies of the days in which I am operating. I have to prioritize what is coming my way and when new demands are placed on my time, then perhaps some of the normal daily tasks must go on the back burner for a while. There is not a single thing that comes into my life of which God is not completely aware. But He is the Lover of my life and He is a jealous Lover and will not sacrifice His time with me. However, He is expecting me to make a choice with the "things" in my life to insure that there is time for Him. The question is what will I choose? Do I covet His voice? Do I crave His Love over everything else in my life or am I sacrificing Him for someone or something else?

The silence of this morning as I began to meditate on this blog was a profound lesson for me. I need desperately to Him constantly, not just Monday mornings. I am so accustomed to hearing Him regularly that to not hear Him specifically for a purpose was a profound wake up call. Don't get caught off guard. He wants to hear your voice too. He covets your love. He is waiting to be with you, but He wants you to make that choice. Are you choosing Him today? Or are you drifting in Silence?