Achieving Balance

In a few months I will celebrate my 59th birthday.  One would think that in the span of that many years, I would have gained wisdom about living.  The challenge is that the internal battle that rages within can create barriers to the impartation of wisdom, or more specifically to the implementation of what the wisdom is telling us.  Although I have recognized for several years the imbalance that my inner battle has caused, dis-empowering it and releasing it has been another story.  Perhaps you can relate to my struggle.  If not personally then chances are that there is someone in your life that can.
 

First I recognize that the roots of this battle go way back to my childhood - the need to please, the need to be perfect, the need to excel at whatever I do.  Simply being "good" was not enough.  I had to be great.  That message was being received by me from a very influential source in my life, my dad.  I understand more than I ever have before that this was done through his own understanding of his role as my dad - to propel me into the maximum of my abilities, to achieve all of which I was capable.  With fair certainty I assume that this was how he was raised and what he understood.  There is forgiveness and compassion in that comprehension on my part.  However, even with that understanding, it is still difficult to release a way of life that has been mine for over half a century.  (Goodness, that is a long time!)
 

Recently I have written a few posts that deal with several of these issues.  I am working through my life-long roots that have resulted in my living a driven life.  The complication is that so many well-known Christian writers have made being driven for the Lord an essential component to living a kingdom-focused life.  When someone like myself hears those messages, it becomes justification to continue to drive oneself unrelentingly.  I must be Driven by Eternity (John Bevere) or live a Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren).  I must live with audacious faith (Sun Stand Still Steven Furtick) accomplishing the impossible.  All of these messages feed the imbalance that has ruled me all of my life.  I am not saying that these messages are not powerful and important; I am saying that they must be received with balance and discernment.  That is difficult for someone who lives life with achievement as the measuring stick.
 

The crucial question is what does the Lord say about these things in the Word?  Consider Psalm 127:1-2  A song for the ascent to Jerusalem. A psalm of Solomon. Unless the LORD builds a house, the work of the builders is useless. Unless the LORD protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good.  It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.  This is only one reference but for me it is so powerful.  Unless the Lord is directing me to do what I am doing, then my efforts are in vain.  Catch that third sentence?  It is USELESS to work so hard.  Ouch!  You mean, Lord, not by my efforts?  How about confirmation from Zechariah 4:6 Then he said to me, "This is what the LORD says to Zerubbabel: It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty.  Then of course there is that concluding phrase in the psalm quoted above about rest.  Oh, You mean I am supposed to rest, Lord?
 

If I were not to search anywhere else in the Word, these few verses give me a powerful insight into how the Lord wishes me to live life, and I have to be honest, I have not been the most obedient of followers.  I have the mantra that if you try harder, surely it will pay off.  Yet the Lord has been telling me for over 5 years now, that He doesn't give grades.  I have lived with the self- inflicted expectation that A+ performance is all that is acceptable.  I judged myself even when there was no one else around to judge me.  I was (and still am at times) highly self-critical.  Unfortunately there is an underlying influence of that level of self-judgment: one comes to expect others to live up to that same level of excellence.  Guess what?  That is not how mankind operates.  Really, God?  Yes, Janice.
 

So here I am in the summer of my 59th year, evaluating my attitudes about life and the imbalance that I have created.  Yes, I know that others have contributed to my deep roots, but ultimately the responsibility is mine to walk in a way that honors my Lord.  That means that I really need to understand what honors Him and what does not.  My trying to accomplish everything that is barely within my reach is not honoring Him.  That attitude essentially demonstrates that I am trying to maintain an image predicated upon what others think about me.  I know in my deepest know-er that all that matters is what my Lord thinks about me.  Walking in that knowledge though is going to take some changing.
 

Where does one start?  For me, it is allowing myself the time to do something that I enjoy that does not benefit anyone else or even for that matter the kingdom.  I hope that doesn't sound selfish to you.  It has to me for decades.  I am coming to understand though that if I am stressed to the max and subsequently very "empty" then I am of limited use to anyone, especially to my Lord.  This may sound trivial to you, but I have allowed myself to read some fiction books this summer.  I am selective, but I have come to understand that this allows me to come to the work that I do for the kingdom with a more relaxed attitude which actually enables me to hear His voice more clearly.  I don't feel that I have to make every minute of the day productive.  That has been a struggle for a variety of reasons, but one is guilt that my husband works very hard every day at a very stressful job.  I get to sit at my computer taking care of business (home, church, my own ministry) without anyone making demands on me. 
 

In addition, I recognize that God has blessed me with a most extraordinary partner in life.  How ungrateful of me to not take time to enjoy this gift that I have been given.  So now we are taking time to get away and are kayaking and camping.  The time in my kayak has been so refreshing.  I am excited about getting in it more.  There is no "purpose" other than enjoying God's most marvelous creation and the company of my precious husband, alone time to nurture our gift.  Yet I can see His purpose in all of this.  He is drawing me into more intimacy with Him and a growing dependence on His strength and not mine.  These may seem like small changes to you, insignificant at best, but to me they are huge.
Whether this message is for you or someone that you know, I pray that you will receive His calling to go deeper and release all of the worldly affairs that pull you away from Him.  He does promise rest; He does promise direction.  I will close with my life verse:  Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.   Shalom

The Impossible Kind of Faith

We are in a season in which we are continuously being presented with opportunities to step out in that kind of faith that believes for the impossible.  I am heartsick, yet simultaneously encouraged, by the number of people in my life who are facing monumental situations.  That may seem like a contradiction to you, but I believe that when we are being stretched, God is pursuing us with more intensity than before.  He is the one stretching us, allowing whatever circumstances in our lives, so that we will draw closer to Him.  We must die to ourselves if we truly desire to have more of Him.  What does this look like in our daily lives?

Have you ever been caught off guard by something that came out of left field, catching you totally unprepared?  Or perhaps you have been caught in a continuous onslaught of one event after another, prohibiting you from even catching your "breath".  Lately, I am witnessing this happening to many people about whom I care deeply.  Interestingly though at this same time, I am hearing confirming words from multiple directions about faith in impossible situations.  There are no coincidences in this world - only God-incidences.  He wants me as well as others to grasp just what faith is all about - especially the God size faith that is required if we are going to truly follow Him.

Today I read in the final chapter of John about one of Jesus' last appearances to His disciples after the resurrection.  It takes place on the beach while some of them have gone fishing.  Have you ever thought about this scenario?  They have lost their best friend, their mentor, their Messiah and they go fishing.  In the midst of crisis, what brings you comfort?  For many of us it is returning to routine, finding the normal in the midst of the chaos of life.  These fellows went back to the water, back to the routine of fishing during which they would be busy with routine tasks and not have to think about all that had just transpired.  They could barely grasp it anyway.  Fishing they could understand.  Then Jesus shows up unrecognizable and suggests a shift in where they throw their net.  The result? John 21:6 Then he said,  "Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you'll get plenty of fish! "    So they did, and they couldn't draw in the net because there were so many fish in it...... 11 So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn't torn. 

I love studying the detail in the Word, yet when I researched the 153, it is simply stated that there is no symbolism to the 153.  Of course we can always try to create something out of nothing, but then we are usually working out of our flesh and not revelation.  However, I believe that every word of the Bible is Holy Spirit inspired, so why the number 153?  I believe there are several possible explanations.  One could be that an exact number gives credibility to the eye witness account.  How would anyone know the exact number of fish in the net unless they were there?  But in alignment with our discussion today, I think that the number demonstrates just how big God is when we act on faith.  If you have ever gone fishing, then you can appreciate 153 large fish is an incredible catch, especially when you have had empty nets for hours.  The clincher though comes a little later in the chapter when Jesus says in John 21:18-19  The truth is, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked and go wherever you wanted to. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will direct you and take you where you don't want to go." 19 Jesus said this to let him know what kind of death he would die to glorify God. Then Jesus told him,  "Follow me."

Follow Me.  No matter what the cost.  No matter what you want to do.  No matter what your thoughts on the matter are.  Just follow Me.  Matthew 10:38 If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. That is pretty cut and dried.  Truly following Him however requires that impossible kind of faith.  It requires us to believe that no matter what we see happening in the natural, we know He is in control and He will ultimately win.  His will will be done.  If we believe that then we also believe all of His promises in the Word about what His heart desires for us.  Again, I ask the question: what does this look like in our daily walk?

I recently read a wonderful depiction of what this kind of faith looks like.  Steven Furtick in his book Sun Stand Still talks about helping his young son jump waves in the ocean.  Do you remember doing this either a as kid or with your kids?  Holding their arms high in the sky and lifting them over the crashing wave just as it hits them.  He likens this to what we must do as follows of Christ.  First we must understand that it is not through our own power that we are "jumping the waves" but rather through the strength and power of the One holding our hands (which we have lifted high to Him).  Secondly we must TRUST that He is going to lift us above the wave and not allow us to drown.  Are we going to get wet?  Of course!  Will we feel the punch of the wave on our lower body?  Of course!  Will we be keenly aware that a massive wave went below us and not over us?  How could we not?  The key is that we should be focusing on the One Who is lifting us instead of the wave that went beneath us.  Too many of us are focusing on the waves and not the "Lifter".  Just a reminder, that on which we think the most is actually the lord of our lives.  Which is it going to be?  Our circumstances or our rescuer?

You may be in the midst of overwhelming circumstances right now.  You may not be able to see how in the world this is ever going to be resolved in a way that is acceptable in your mind.  This is when God wants us to demonstrate impossible faith.  This is when He is saying, Do you trust Me with everything?  We must let go and let God handle the situation.  Isaiah 55:9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. As my pastor continually reminds us, God is God and we are not.  Although the wave is frightening as it is coming at you, the exhilaration of its passing beneath you is so much greater.  You may feel as if it is all in slow motion and the experience will never be over, but I promise you, it will and He is faithful to not let His children drown.  Trust Him.