Whose Perspective?

A friend of mine recently posted the following comment on her Facebook page: REMEMBER You can only be what people have allowed you to be in their lives no matter what you wanted or have tried to be. So no condemnation for trying and being rejected. Just be who they have allowed you to be.  That really got me thinking.  I know what my friend meant, however far too many of us have lived our lives based on what others' perceptions of us were. Or even more accurately, what we thought their perceptions of us were.  We live life out of a place of misinformation and second guessing other people's thoughts.  

Have you ever thought through an entire conversation before opening your mouth and then changed what you were going to say based on how you thought someone else would respond to you?  I have.  For years.  The sad aspect of this is the majority of time we were way off base.  In most cases, the other person is not nearly as focused on us as we suppose.  And here is the embarrassing truth about this: ultimately we are trying to control our "environment" and those people in our lives.  We are not allowing them the freedom to respond and react individually.  Rather through our assumptions (i.e. our perceptions) we predict how things are going to go and then adapt accordingly. 

I am not saying that there are not times you can predict what someone is going to do or say.  The question we need to ask ourselves is whether what we are going to say or do is in alignment with the Word of God.  Romans 14:16-19 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men. Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. While we recognize that Paul is speaking specifically about the way members of the church were condemning fellow believers, we must look deeper in to how this applies to us today.

I admit guilty to not always restricting the words of my mouth to building up or edifying another person. The Lord fortunately is doing a work in me teaching me how to not only recognize that but to grow past it.  My perspective has been limited by the wounds of life.  These wounds began to build a cage around me.  A very perceptive servant of the Lord revealed to me that this cage (or suit of armor) was comprised of barbed wire.  Not only did I inflict pain on myself but it also inflicted pain on those trying to get too close to me.  I have come to realize the truth in this as well as to realize how many of us are living our daily lives in some type of restrictive armor out of these wounds.  Suddenly I am able to not only see myself more clearly, but see how I have impacted those around me.

Looking at specifics, if I make a comment that is in fact critical and judgmental, no matter how accurate I believe the statement is, I am not in reality edifying that person - whether they are the recipient of my remarks or simply the object of my remarks.  Do my remarks build up or tear down?  I realize that I need a new standard on which to base my conversations.  That standard is not the world's standard.  It is the Lord's.  Romans 15:1-3 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves; let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to edify him. For Christ did not please himself; but, as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached thee fell on me."  This does not say that we condone the failings of those around us, but rather to strive for their good, their edification.  That may be a stretch for some of us, but I believe that Holy Spirit will indeed instruct and guide us in offering hope and change without tearing down.

Psalm 69:5-7 O God, you know how foolish I am; my sins cannot be hidden from you. Don't let those who trust in you stumble because of me, O Sovereign LORD Almighty. Don't let me cause them to be humiliated, O God of Israel.  Perhaps this scripture really nails it.  King David understood the power of influence we have as believers.  Our behavior through words and actions can either lead others to our Lord, or drive them away.  If we claim to love the Lord, yet our actions cry out anger, hate, judgment, etc, how will that invite someone to want what we have?  If we live our lives in fear of condemnation, how does that demonstrate the peace Christ died for us to have?  John 14:27 "I am leaving you with a gift -- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."  

Returning to the opening comments.  When I lived my life in fear of judgment, condemnation and repercussions, I was not only trying to control my environment, but I was living within the cage of what I believed others were thinking about me.  I was allowing those perceptions to shape who I was.  Not only was that exhausting, but I was limiting what God was trying to do in my life.  His beliefs about who I am and what is ahead of me are far greater than anything my mere brain can comprehend.  Once I made the deliberate decision to shed my armor of barbed wire, I was able to step into a new level of peace and joy.  There is now freedom for me to allow those around me to be who they are, without my filters and my slants.  I have learned a priceless lesson.  People need to live their lives as freely as I want to live mine.  It is amazing how much less stressful living can be.  Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional love that has brought me to this new place.  Shalom, Everyone!