The Pain of Old Habits

Ouch! I knew immediately that I had pulled my back muscles once again. Thought that was behind me, but suddenly it was back. Within hours I could no longer stand straight and was bent over as if I were 40 years older than I am. Not now I was thinking not again. I was smart enough to know not to wait and called my chiropractor, but it would be several hours before I could see him. Meanwhile it was back to icing and resting. So much for the agenda I had planned for the day. However, it gave me much time to consider how this had happened and why. Believing that nothing is wasted in my life, I began to seek the Lord's thoughts on what had just occurred. The answer was revelation and at the same time humbling. I was not as far along as I had thought in my progression to healing emotionally.

Old habits die hard, especially when you "wore" them for decades. I have been learning a lot about the spiritual roots that are tied to many illnesses with which we struggle. The root tied to certain back problems is the spirit of self hatred. You can translate that into lack of self esteem or self worth and suddenly things begin to gel. Co-dependency is a natural behavioral out growth of this root. I can trace it back through generations as I can the back issues. So what does this have to do with me hurting my back again? The activity that was occupying me at the time of my injury was wrestling with a mattress - alone. When I surveyed the task to be done, I immediately thought, I should wait for Glen to come home to help me with this. Then the old co-dependency kicked in - no I need to get this done now so that he won't have to deal with it. TRANSLATION: asking for help is an indication that I am not capable of doing my "job". Can't have that!

This is my struggle: acknowledging that I do not have to be Super Woman in order for me to be loved. When you have been raised by a Super Woman and grew up with the expectation that no matter what happens you can and should handle it (the reinforcement there came from my dad) it is difficult to break out of that mold. Yet all of the factors that kept me entrenched in that mindset are no longer part of my life. In fact my life is very much the opposite through the grace of our Lord and the blessing He has given me of an incredibly supportive and loving husband. The most frustrating and humbling aspect of this is that I should know better!

Romans 8:6-8 If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God's laws, and it never will. That's why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God. For me, co-dependency is the sinful nature that is trying to control my mind. There clearly is not life and peace in continuing in that behavior. It brings death to relationships, death to walking in the mindset of Christ and death in this particular instance to physical well-being. I need to remind myself of the truth in these verses and those that follow in this chapter. It is my responsibility to "put to death the misdeeds of the body" Verse 13.

If any of you are waffling here and saying that this is not really a sin, then consider what the two greatest commandments are: Matthew 22:37-40 Jesus replied, "'You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." Loving our neighbors as we love ourselves means we have to be able to love ourselves if we are going to love our neighbors. You cannot do the first act there if you do not know how to do the second act. This is not a chicken and egg quandary. You have to be able to love yourself if you are going to demonstrate and walk in love toward your neighbor. Therefore when I diminish who I am and believe myself to be unworthy of being loved for who I am and not what I do, then I am being disobedient according to the Word of God.

For many of you co-dependency may not be the issue, but something else is. What is keeping you from living within the life and peace that is promised us in Romans 8:6? We should all be in the process of transforming our minds. Romans 12:2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is. Recognize that this is a process. Behavioral habits are a part of who we are until we make a conscious decision that those habits do not fit who we are anymore and we begin the process of substituting new behaviors and new thought patterns to replace the old ones. Is it difficult? Certainly it is. Will we stumble and have to get up and start again? Most definitely. But one thing is unmistakable: if we do not make the conscious decision to start living differently, then our lives do not change. We will continue to make the same mistakes and relive the same difficult experiences that colored our past.

Have I learned from the pain that I have experienced this past weekend? You bet I have. I am so grateful for the revelation that the Lord gave to me through this pain, and I revel in the fact that He also healed me both through the prayerful skilled hands of my chiropractor and His unmistakable touch from heaven that brought extremely swift healing to my body. I am pain free once again and in only three short days - hmm ..."and on the third day....." I'll take that kind of healing any day especially when it goes deep into my emotional wounds and continues the healing from the inside out. I am so thrilled to be a child of His and know that in His eyes through the blood of Jesus I am worthy of being loved - and I am loved! How about you?


Please Note: There will be no posting next week because I am attending the Christians United For Israel Summit in Washington, DC. I ask for your prayers for this important meeting that we will have an impact on the leaders of our nation and our congressional representatives. Thank you!